There are many days, far more than I would like to admit when I ask:
“Am I enough?”
Did I do enough with my clients?
Did I reach enough people today?
Did I give enough at my workshop?
Was I present enough with my boys? Do they know how much I really love them?
Am I enough of a wife for my husband? He really does put up with a lot of crap…
Just, constantly….Am I enough?
Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever asked yourself if what you are giving is what you are capable of?
I ask this question all of the time. And honestly, it is a BIG motivator! It gets me thinking of ways I can do better, help more, contribute at a higher level…
But, last night, my 7 year old son climbed out of his loft bed, walked down the hallway and in his little voiced asked, “Mama, can you come here for a minute?”
As I walked down the hallway I could tell that he was a bit upset but just seeing my face and hearing my voice, he seemed to take a deeper breath. It’s one of those mom-isms or parent-isms that we can feel what our children are feeling without them having to say a word.
Now, 3 years ago, heck, even a year ago I may have not seen that look on his face. Or understood that in that moment, all he needed was me. I was enough…
I laid with him for a bit, asked him about something he had fun doing and then asked who made him smile. And as he started to settle in, I could feel his breaths getting deeper and his mind and body calming down.
And as I was laying next to him, I realized that there are so many other times in my day, in my life where I felt as if I wasn’t enough, that I needed to do more, be more, just….more…
But, with him, in that moment, I was enough.
Now, I’m not saying
I don’t learn new things – because I do.
Or that I don’t challenge myself – because I do.
Or that I don’t agree we can push our own limits – because I do.
But I’m talking about how we think others see us and perceive us. More often than not it’s you showing up as YOU that others need.You are enough and on most days, probably even more than enough.
It may sound cliche for me to be making this observation because I continually do things to take myself out of my comfort zone. And you might say that I am contradicting the idea that “I am enough” by my constant learning or challenging or diligently practicing to be better.
And you may be right.
But one thing I do know is that having my sons, my husband, my family and great friends in my life is a constant reminder that even if I fall, I can get back up. And even with mud on my shoes and dirt on shirt that I, Amy Smalarz, am enough. And that’s what keeps me going.
So the next time you question yourself, your ability, whatever, remember that whether you believe it or not…You are enough.